Called to Preach???

Ever since I was young, my family has been tellin me that I had a calling on my life....yeah, me!..I was told at an early age that I would one day be a preacher...and actually believed it...and still do...hell, I used to be the guest speaker on certain occasions, and actually had the congregation stirred!!! so, it's 'a comin...........just ain't there yet.......I'm real enough to know that.......for those that know me, know me......those that don't, really don't! make sense?.....does to me.....when I was "just gettin started," I said I would give you all a glimpse of me, and why I am, the way that I am....well, today, for some unknown reason, well, it's not unknown, cause I'm doin what I do......and when I do that, my mind wanders..........and today, I'm on a religious tip....yeah, religion....I think about religion alot, I've studied it for years.....and still studying....I "study, to show [myself] approved".......and how it applies to my life....and try to figure out why I go through the shit that I go through, and try to make meaning of it all.....the mathematician in me, says there is a logical and analytical equation to everything that goes on within the universe.....'cept maybe predicting a tsunami, as all other things - man made - are finite, they have a "beginning, and an ending"...

...in certain circles, when describing the creator, it has been said that GOD is the Grand Architect of the Universe, or Great Geometrician......picture a blank sheet of paper, with your compass point in the center...from there, you can make an infinite number of concentric circles, directly related to the center...."the earth was void...and without form"........

The "preacher" in me knows that GOD holds "all secrets, and what is given to man..." is for him....meaning, if it's out there, go get it.........ala, knowledge!!!! He said, "my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge...because they have rejected knowledge"......"you wanna hide sum'in from a black man, put it in a book".......not this black man!.......I read everything!!! and having that "quest," as I like to say, has been, to say the least, a blessing and a curse......it exposes you to too much...it causes theological, philisophical, and yes, psychological conflicts........you're always analyzing shit....why this, why that.....for every action, there is an opposite, but equal reaction....why aren't dinosaurs mentioned in the bible? Who was Cain's wife? that kinda shit.......I know GOD "knew us before we were in our mother's womb"...and he knows I'm a man "after [His] own heart"...and..."there is nothing new under the sun"....and ..."I am the master of my fate, and the captain of my soul,"...and.....our names are already "written in the book of life".....and....."many are called, but the chosen are few"......and......some ain't gon make it.....

it took man millions of years to invent the wheel, another millions of years to invent the automobile, then only a few, relatively speaking, to build the rocket.... ......to do what, for what? Another tower of Babel?..... Do we want to see GOD? Why? ask him what? What is our purpose, what is my purpose.............

preach what????

Is man inherently evil? Because of what happened in the Garden of Eden, we are born to die......while here, we're to live a righteous life, so that through Christ, we can enter into the Kingdom of Heaven...."amongst the 24 elders"...which level? The word speaks of 7 levels......if we don't make it the first time, do we get another chance? ......are we reincarnated to live a life of "hell on earth," til we get it right.......in the midst of Satan and his demons' "dominion...which [he] shall reign for a period of time".......do I discount the theory of evolution? The survival of the fittest? Maslow's hiercharchy of needs? Man's inherent reflex to "fight or flight".....to "turn the other cheek"....or...."eye for an eye," in which, even if you don't get caught, you damn sure gon' "reap what you sow"...........can I always "love [my] neighbor as I love myself"....how can I "judge not, lest thou be not judged".....the word said, "I have said that ye are gods, to sit in judgement".....can I "love my fellow man"....when, "if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out"........I tolerate a crooked and corrupt government with a clear conscience, because I have to "give unto Caesar, what is Caesar's".....but I'm also supposed to "come out of her, the great harlot"......and go where......to whom..."for none are righteous, and fall short of the glory of GOD"........Jesus?........"the son of the living GOD".......He does say, "no man cometh unto the Father, but by me"........but.........wasn't he "after the order of Melchezidek"? Who was he....he had "neither beginning, nor ending of days...even, our Father Abraham paid a tenth"...... are the Muslims right? Buddhists? Atheists? Does the Trinity Doctrine resemble the ancient Egyptian epic of Osiris, Isis, and Horus.......Does the Flood Story copy the Epic of Gilgamesh? Is the ancient Egyptian god Thoth and Enoch the same person? Did Nostradamus predict any of this? Is the "Lost Books of the Bible" really not to be taken seriously? Paul quotes from it......as does the book of Jude........is that a female on the right of Jesus in the "Last Supper".......was it she, "the one that Jesus loved"..........Could he and Mary Magdalene have had offspring......he is "the way".....and he did say, "follow me"......would GOD have his "only begotten son" single, and a virgin? When his first commandment was "to be frutiful and multiply".......what, not his own son? Yes, I know he "rose on the 3rd day with all power in his hands".........still wanna know what happened to his bones, though....as "flesh and blood can not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven"......or, are they lost like Moses'?..... or......am I just lost?

I love the Lord "with all my heart, all my mind, and all my soul,"...and I will continue to "contend for the faith".........but I damn sure ain't ready to preach!